Not my will, but Yours.
This is not the year I wanted, this is not what I planned. But it’s been good, so good.
It’s been 14 months of asking questions and getting answers I don’t like.
It’s been 14 months of mourning a life that I loved, and not giving up on getting it back one day.
It’s been 14 months of praying: “May your kingdom come, and your will be done”. And learning to embrace God’s will for my life, despite of not being able to understand it.
I wanted to keep serving in Africa, but God wanted me to spend 5 months with my parents in Colombia and 4 months in the USA with my sister and family there. He prioritized my family after I sacrificed being with them for the last 2.5 years. He even gave me new friends that turned into family pretty quickly.
He wanted me to spend 2 months in Honduras, learning what it means to work with limited resources, asking me to accept His sovereignty and the reality that death is inevitable and I can’t save all the patients. He also wanted me to meet strong and humble nurses, that were eager to learn and grow. In Honduras God had people that loved me and supported me so well, and I am truly grateful for all of them, I couldn’t have done it without them!
He wanted me to come back to Colombia, and I didn’t want to. My country is going through a painful and complicated season, and I honestly just want to run to the airport, catch a plane and watch from a safe distance. But God wanted me to come back to where I was born, He wanted me to remember who I am by showing me where I come from. I was willing to stay here and work at a Hospital I still love and admire so much, with friends that I love deeply, until the Lord allows Mercy Ships to go back to Africa.
But, right on time, the day before I got a job offer in Bogota, Colombia, God opened the door for me to go back to the Africa Mercy in August of 2021.
I couldn’t believe it. All my tearful prayers were heard. I’ve been longing to go to the ship in Spain and serve and love the crew members that right now are caring for the ship and for each other, while the have endured their own struggles and disappointments. I’ve asked God to let me go and serve them, and He has said yes.
Now I hold this “Yes” with open hands. Honestly, I’m afraid of plans falling apart, of feeling lost in the wilderness again. I guess I don’t trust life anymore, I don’t trust plans and calendars. I guess I’m learning to trust God and the uncertainty that comes with it.
But I’ve learned to surrender. I’ve learned to trust God, who He is and what He says. I’ve learned to trust His sovereignty and His wisdom. I’ve learned to be present, to take my eyes off of the future I want and put them on Him and what He wants for me. I’ve learned to let go of my dreams, my hopes, my desires, my anger, my pain, my frustrations, my doubts. I’ve learned to drop it all at the Throne of Grace as I surrender my life to Him.
I’ve learned to trust as I’ve learned to pray: “Your kingdom come, Your will be done”(in Greek: βασιλεία ἐλθέτω θέλημα γενηθήτω - from Matthew 6:10). God has helped me make this prayer the center of it all. All my prayer requests are now submitted to this declaration. And it has brought peace, strength and hope.
Tulips are my favorite flowers, but I didn’t know much about them. While I was in Indiana, I witnessed how wonderful and strong these flowers are. They open up when it’s sunny, they close when it’s cold. They endure the wind and the snow, and they even bend to the ground if they have to. But they rise up again. They are beautiful and strong. These flowers made me think of how I want to live. I want to open and close as God leads me to, I want to endure the cold and the heat, I want to bend when the storm comes, and I want to rise up again. I don’t want to give up on life with Jesus. I want to be rooted, anchored in Him, no matter what.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 NIV
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