A Broken and Grateful Heart for Christmas
I also love Christmas because through all my life, it has been a precious season with my family. I grew up (tears want to come back but I won't let them) in a loving and faithful family, where gifts were never expensive but fun and always useful (thanks aunt Emma for all the socks, towels and linens!), food was home made and so good, and christian carols and hymns were always part of our Christmas night. Even when I started working at the hospital, I was always able to be off on Christmas and work New Year's Eve, for 6 years in a row. So last year (as you can find in my blog) was my first Christmas away from home, and the second one didn't seem to be easier at all!!
It hurts not to be there to buy Christmas presents for my nephews.
It hurts not to be there to hug my grandma and my aunt on their birthdays, my parents on their anniversary, one of my best friends on his birthday, and my grandparents on their anniversary. Missing my extended family, our traditions, our wrapping paper battle, our silly jokes, our food, us. I miss my city, the Christmas lights and the sunny cold weather. I miss my best friend and her family. I miss my church, worshiping in Spanish is a special treat that now I value a lot more.
Christmas season hurt this year because I was missing the sense of family, nostalgia kept growing stronger and stronger. Depression crawled back and surrounded me, covering the sunlight and shrinking my perspective, again. Pain would come and go, specially at night time and when I tried to pray. Guilt came to accuse me for feeling sad for myself while being in the most unique place, with the best job and wonderful people surrounding me, and being loved and saved by the Creator of the universe.
God's still voice asked me to accept my sadness and not feel guilty about it. Pain and sadness are real, trying to deny them just makes it worse.
And then, He invited me to respond to pain and sadness with gratefulness, by being grateful for my ship friends, and He asked me to give them presents, and I didn't want to. I felt like I was betraying my family for not sending them presents and instead giving them to my friends here. Also, I didn't have time to go out and buy things, but God gave me ideas to hand-make them, to express individually how I feel about them.
From starting with maybe 2 close friends, I ended up writing 21 cards, making 21 origami boxes and sharing colombian coffee candies with all of them. While I was writing the cards, trying to encourage my friends by telling them some of their many talents and attributes, the same words kept coming to my mind, and I was amazed by the incredible and wonderful friends God has given me. I am surrounded by honesty, kindness, vulnerability, grace, compassion, wisdom, fun, silliness, hard work, peace, servant hearts, loyalty, faithfulness, strength, forgiveness and smiles, all wrapped up in different nationalities, languages and cultures.
In my pain and brokenness I tried to be obedient, by giving thanks through my tears. God not only wanted me to thank Him for my friends, but he wanted me to thank THEM, to make my thankfulness visible and real. I understood Anne Voskamp's book, "The Broken Way". She writes: "Thanksgiving precedes the miracle... the miracle happens in the breaking... A dare to let all my brokenness - be made into abundance. Break and give away. the broken way... The way to find the light in the dark is to make your hand reach out-reach out in thanks, reach out in giving." God responded according to His promises, and brought joy and peace that overflowed in my heart. He healed my pain with my own gratefulness.
"There is no physical body of Christ here on earth but ours. We are now Christ's only earthly body."
So on Christmas, I not only want to celebrate and thank God for His love and coming to earth as a baby to save us, but also for letting us be His body. I thank God for His body, my friends, my ship family: my brothers, sisters, moms, dads, grandparents, nephews and nieces, from all over the world, that love me and let me love them back.
I thank Him for giving me two cabinmates that happily embraced colombian christmas traditions to celebrate with me on the 24th of December; I am thankful for all the sweet gifts that many friends brought to our doors; I am thankful for the crew members that worked so hard to make this month so special; I am thankful for each volunteer that came to this ship to serve away from home, with me. I am grateful for each patient that we have been able to meet and serve, they are worth to be here. I thank God for each and all of the supporters that have invested in this mission, it wouldn’t be possible without them!! And finally, I thank God for Mercy Ships, my home away from home.
I thank Him for giving me two cabinmates that happily embraced colombian christmas traditions to celebrate with me on the 24th of December; I am thankful for all the sweet gifts that many friends brought to our doors; I am thankful for the crew members that worked so hard to make this month so special; I am thankful for each volunteer that came to this ship to serve away from home, with me. I am grateful for each patient that we have been able to meet and serve, they are worth to be here. I thank God for each and all of the supporters that have invested in this mission, it wouldn’t be possible without them!! And finally, I thank God for Mercy Ships, my home away from home.
Comentarios
Publicar un comentario