My pain, His Compassion

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."

(Jeremiah 31:3 NIV)

The Bible says the heart is deceptive, and the feelings I had when preparing for the trip and saying goodbye to my family were so confusing that I had to ignore them and walk one step at a time, until I got here.

In spite of how I felt, in the depths of my heart I did not hesitate or think at any moment of canceling the trip; despite the nostalgia, pain and fear, I had the full confidence that this was the God's will for my life, not knowing what the trip was going to be like or what was going to happen when I arrived to the ship.

I mentioned before that the first few weeks here I was very calm, however, as Christmas Day approached, I began to notice some pain and sadness in my heart, I did everything possible to avoid it and ignore it, I knew it was a normal to miss my family on a very special date for us; this was the first time I would spend Christmas away from home. My parents and I began to pray asking God to help me feel at home here, to provide people who could be my new family and to celebrate Christmas for its true meaning, the love of God coming to the world as a newborn baby!

Honestly, I would have preferred to work on Christmas Eve, I thought that this way I could avoid the pain and sadness that were approaching little by little. However, God had a different plan. My free days from work were scheduled on December 23rd and 24th, and God allowed me to walk through that valley to show me His love and tenderness in an amazing way.

You may not know this, but depression has been present in my life for years and recently I learned how to fight with the spiritual weapons and the victory that Jesus already won on the cross. On Saturday (December 23) I spent some time pouring my heart to God and only when I asked a mexican friend here on the ship to pray for me, immediately the peace of God flooded around and inside of me and I rested emotionally that day. I have learned that the first step to experience victory over depression is to ask for help and support in prayer, so pride and insecurity are the first to leave!

Sunday began with a worship service at the Hope Center, praising and dancing in the African style, I enjoyed seeing some of my patients that are successfully recovering, it is always nice to hug people who have had a change not only in their appearance but in their self-esteem and their future!

In the afternoon I decided to read and sleep (trying to avoid the inevitable); I was invited to dinner with some friends and in the place where I recorded the Christmas greeting for all of you (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF-pdcIEvg4), I felt that God was reminding me that He was aware of what my heart needed. This meal was special because that day we were having a Christmas Eve service, the special meal was going to be on Monday, December 25th, but because of my culture and my family, I was used to having a special dinner on the 24th, and God took care of that!!

After the Christmas Eve service I could not take it anymore. I started praying and thanking God for my family but the pain was stronger and I just asked God to comfort me while I cried. I did not think about wanting go back home, I did not doubt my call to this ministry, it was just my heart aching, it hurt a lot.

But God was not done with me, not yet.

I had shared with a friend on the ship that Christmas Eve was a bit difficult for me, and shortly after arriving to my cabin, while I was crying, she texted me that she could not go to help me, but her parents were on their way to my cabin. Her father is a maxillofacial surgeon and has been serving on the ship for almost 30 years. Her mother is the Senior Chaplain for the crew members. That was the family that God chose to adopt me that night, and I could not believe it. They came to my cabin, they listened to my story, they prayed for me, and they hugged me. God answered my prayers and my parents' prayers too, He answered with love and compassion.

I know that the main purpose of this trip is to serve as a nurse, however, God's greatest purpose for my life and for each one of his children, is to know Him and make Him known.

I pray that each one of you may know God very closely, that He will heal and respond to each one of the desires and needs that are in your hearts, that His love will conquer you and take you to places and adventures that you can not even imagine yet, and that you can sing with me this song:

"Surround my life, Surround my heart
As I surrender to you
Your love invades, Your love disarms...

This selfish pride, this hidden sin
My brokenness attracts You
You take my tears, I take Your hand, I'm letting go

So I breathe Your name and I raise my hands
Surrendering all I am to You

Prevailing Grace, Prevailing Love
You won't relent, You have me
You've won the war, You've won my heart..."

(Breath your Name - Israel and New Breed)